


John on Sex

by Tipsylex



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-07
Updated: 2016-09-07
Packaged: 2018-08-13 14:50:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7980523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tipsylex/pseuds/Tipsylex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lying in bed next to Harold John thinks about his past sex experiences and how they affected him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	John on Sex

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone has a suggestion for a better title please speak up.

John stretches lazily in bed; gazing at the body lying next to him. Harold was asleep, snoring softly. He had slipped off the pillows he’d been propped up on. John smiles knowing Harold will be a little stiff when he wakes up. Rolling carefully on to his side, he moves closer to the sleeping form of his lover without touching. The bed is large, warm and comfortable. 

Some days he wishes he’d never have to leave this bed again.

Never in his wildest dreams did he think that he would end up here. When Finch had found him he’d been half dead from drinking, stinking in filthy clothes, unwashed, unkempt and uncaring. They had been working together now for almost 3 years, and had been lovers for just a few months. 

He thought they were the best few months of his life.

He’d fallen in love with Harold at some point, he couldn’t exactly say when but soon after he’d begun working with him. 

He began his slow seduction of Harold with gentle flirting. It was something that John did as easily as breathing. He used soft words and little touches, a brush of fingertips, tea and doughnuts. He sometimes left the comms link in his ear open, knowing that Harold could hear him in bed. Later, John flirting with anyone, caused Harold to tap louder on his keyboard and he had heard disapproving sounds over the comms link. John toned it down with others but it never really stopped. It was ingrained in his DNA, and re-enforced by his CIA training. 

John sighed; his biggest problem had been the CIA.

They had trained him to think of sex as a tool to be used. That he was a tool to be used. They sent him on missions that used his good looks to get the information they wanted. Some missions meant he had to sleep with women, some with men. In the end it didn’t really matter which gender. 

The CIA didn’t want him getting involved emotionally with anyone anyway. Stanton had made sure he understood that. She toyed with him and had used him for her own pleasure. Their couplings had been urgent, rough and he was not allowed to say no. He hadn’t enjoyed any of it but had learnt in the end that his feelings didn‘t matter either, as long as he carried out his mission. 

Eventually he found it hard to express his wants and needs. He pushed all thoughts of happiness and pleasure to the back of his mind and locked it all away. Sex was for release, no feelings, no commitment. Pleasure was for the other person; he didn’t often experience any himself. He climaxed alright but the sensations left him cold. It was as though his orgasm belonged to someone else. 

He hadn’t always been like that. 

He rolled onto his back and looked at the ceiling; the sun was streaming in through the high windows making the room bright. 

The bright sunlight made him think briefly of Jessica and what might have been. They had shared an idyllic few days in Mexico. He loved her. He was ready to give up everything for her. He had given everything up by resigning from the army. While in bed with her on that fateful day in 2001, 9/11 had happened and they both knew he couldn’t ignore it. He re-enlisted. His life and hers had changed forever. She’d said she would wait for him. She had asked him to ask her to wait for him. But he was worried that someday a soldier would turn up on her doorstep telling her he was missing or dead. He didn’t want her to go through that so he let her go. 

Harold had changed him.

Harold was so different to any of his other bed mates. He had been a patient lover and had shown him that he was worthy of love and affection. That pleasure in sex was for both parties not just one. John didn’t have to keep giving without receiving as well. There was a vibrancy to their lovemaking; it was exciting, vigorous and highly pleasurable.

John lay still, content with his life now, but it hadn’t always been like this. 

He thought back to his college days and the army. In college he had never been short of a willing partner. He had been more interested in women then, but curiosity led to experimenting with a few of the men who had offered. The college women had been attracted by his looks and playing basketball had helped too. There were guys who were jealous of the way the women followed him around, resulting in quite a few fights. He rubbed his chin remembering. He’d tried not to fight back but sometimes he had too. Eventually, once they realised that hurting John made him more appealing to the women, they left him alone.

From college he’d enlisted in the army. Not his choice but it was better than a jail sentence, the result of one too many fights. In the army sex was mostly confined to masturbating quietly where ever you could find some privacy. A lack of female company meant that sometimes he’d approached or been approached by other soldiers and they’d fucked each other to relive the stresses they’d felt

John was glad that some days he didn’t need anything except the feel of Harold in his arms.

Sometimes though, when time was tight, and their need to touch and be touched was overwhelming, they would move into the small bedroom they had made in one of the libraries reading rooms. There they would kiss, stroke and pleasure each other until the room was filled with the soft sounds of their orgasms.

He moved closer to Harold feeling the warmth of his body and the comfort this man radiated. John felt whole again, not broken, not a tool to be used, but loved as a man, a partner and friend.


End file.
